{Unravelling} My Story on a Quest for Healing & Growing

Once upon a time, this blogging space was dedicated to my personal life, stories, & daily captures with my camera. Then my life got too busy and messy and I retreated and secluded into a space of sadness. That was a very unhealthy place for me to be. Because even if my life is a mess, I still need to share it. I hid behind my shame and embarrassment for the place I was. If you know me even a little, you know I'm a 'social, laugh out loud, and take life by the horns' kind of person (or at least I was). I don't do well in seclusion. So I'm back this year to share the good, the bad, & the ugly. I'm less concerned with what others think of me and more concerned with healing and growing from these experiences and struggles. This story is about me and only me and finding peace with the person I am. Not any relationship or friendship...this is about discovering the person I am and was meant to be.

http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2012/12/secret-of-adulthood-when-the-student-is-ready-the-teacher-appears/

I thought I'd share some of the amazing souls that are leading me on this journey. You know the quote "when the student is ready, the teacher appears"? Well, I feel like the teacher has shown up in so many amazing ways this past couple of months. I was thirsty and searching and have been devouring books by the day when I'm not working. Here are a few that I could not put down and marked them up with my highlighter and bookmarks. I frequently pick them up off my bedside table and open to a random bookmark to read what I highlighted...and they always speak to me.

http://www.christinarosalie.com/a-field-guide-to-now/ 

My Goodreads review: Another great book or guide in how to live a life of intention. In the midst of the muddled waters of marriage, kids, & career...Rosalie finds clarity & beauty in the moment. I love her honesty & rawness.

http://www.untetheredsoul.com/index.html

Goodreads review: I couldn't put this book down. And it couldn't have come to me at a better time & I will often refer back to it for guidance. This books has helped me realize how much destruction I am creating for myself by the walls I have built around me and the resistance I have for obstacles in life. In addition to learning about the barriers I have created for myself, I feel so equipped to deal with all future road blocks. The author helps you work through pain, both past, present, & future. Ultimately this book is a guide in finding and living with peace & happiness in your life, all the time. And who doesn't want that?

http://www.brenebrown.com/books/2012/5/15/daring-greatly.html 

My Goodreads review: Although a bit repetitive in parts, overall I felt it was a useful & good read. I think most of us fear being vulnerable and guard our hearts to a fault. I love the lessons in being wholehearted in our actions & relationships. I walked away with some new truths in how I approach relationships, teaching, & parenting. It was especially enlightening in how we are shamed & shame others...and the damage it creates. A good read for the end of the year and lessons to bring into the new one.

If I've learned anything from these beautiful authors, it's the importance in telling your story...which is why I'm here sharing on my blog. I get it now. Because I am so incredibly grateful that they shared their stories. I found myself on the pages of their books, woven into their stories, & reading their words as if they were spoken from my heart. I cried a few times reading their words. And then I read 'Daring Greatly'...which really has given me the courage and permission to put these words on paper (or at least virtually). 

http://www.susannahconway.com/2012/12/2013-workbook/

I most recently stumbled upon a blog via her "Unravelling The Year Ahead 2013" workbook guide (maybe via Pinterest? Not sure now). I downloaded the workbook immediately and took an hour to work through the pages of reflecting on 2012 and looking forward to 2013. It was probably the best spent hour so far this year. You should stop what you're doing and do it too! One of the questions in the workbook was "If 2012 was the title of a book or the name of a film, what would it be called?" My reply was...'The Year that Broke Me'. From that workbook, I discovered her beautiful & tragic memoir next. 

http://www.susannahconway.com/books/ 

My Goodreads Review: This is one of those books that you read and continually think to yourself "Is she inside of my head?" Although our situations are different, her voice articulated so much of my feelings in my life right now. Really beautiful soul searching stuff. 

After finishing her book and wanting to learn more about her story, I learned that Susannah Conway was not only a beautiful writer and blogger, but a talented photographer as well. After exploring her blog I discovered that she gives online e-courses. One in particular spoke to me and my current situation: "Unravelling: Ways of Seeing Myself". This is the course description..."The Unravelling e-course is designed to help you heal the way you see your self and your world, using photography and journalling to access hidden thoughts & dreams and encourage personal realizations, all in the safe space of a like-minded community."

So I am now 3-weeks into this course and loving it! I'm learning so much from this process. It's painful at times, invigorating, and exciting at other times. I'm connecting with other writers, bloggers, and photographers from all parts of the world...England, Netherlands, Australia, and literally one student is down the street from me here in Long Beach (crazy weird...but I love that this virtual world has made ours so much smaller).

So although I have much to share in future posts, I really wanted to share this process. I know this is not everyone's cup of tea, but I know there are many of you out there that could benefit from some of this. So if I turn one person on to a good book or inspired them in any way whatsoever, this blog has value. But I know truly, it already has value because this is my story. And I have an obligation to share it.

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And on one more note, I have to share that some of you may be thinking..."if you only read the bible, or only prayed, or went to church", etc...you might find what you're searching for. I have done & do those things but I firmly believe that God works wonders through others too. Sometimes I feel His presence in music, in authors, and the everyday beauty in such things like a sunset. I don't feel the bible or church are the only answers to my problems. His presence his seen & felt everywhere.