{Brooklyn} Heartful Thoughts of Mothering

I had a perfectly wonderful day with Brookie. Napping, watching movies, playing, laughing, & cuddling. All in our pj's! I so needed today.

I needed it because I was feeling the "mom guilt" yesterday when I was getting ready to leave her with a sitter to shoot a wedding. I had never quite seen the sad face I got when our sitter arrived and I began telling Brookie goodbye. I was haunted by her tears and cries as we drove away. The weekends are usually our time together, but she knew! And so the wedding season begins...

I never imagined being a working mom when I finally decided to have children. I defintiely did not imagine I would be working two jobs. I love photography so much that I would love for it to be my fulltime job. However, I would have to make enough money to replace my teaching income + benefits before that is a possibility. I am also conflicted in the classroom. I am not the hopeful 20-something year old when I began. I do not feel I will save the world by teaching the next generation Spanish. I had an insatiable love for Spanish and teaching it when I began, but have become bitter over time (going on 12 years!). In some ways, teaching has taken a bit of a backseat since discovering photography. Mostly because I find hope & inspiration elsewhere.

I am not complaining. I am incredibly blessed to have two jobs. I am just conflicted by my time and aspirations. I AM working two jobs and wanting to work less. I want to do do what I love AND be available to my daugher. So I'm hoping to make some changes and that ultimately they will be the best choices for B!