{Goldsworthy Family} Holiday Mini Sessions | Long Beach Family Photographer

I'm not gonna lie. When the pastor of my church contacted me to take some family portraits, I was nervous. Like "oh my gosh he's gonna know I haven't been to church in a while and wonder what is wrong with me"? Haha. Why do we do this to ourselves? Make up scenarios in our head that are so not true. We create obstacles for ourselves that don't even exist in real life. Because the pastor of my church is just a guy, like you or you or you. And he happens to be a pretty cool guy with a sense of humor and an awesome wife with two adorable kiddos. And that's pretty much why I attend this church (when I do). I feel silly even writing this...but I know you relate too, right?

But the real reason for this post is that the Goldworthys took some photos to capture this moment in their life...and they pretty much rock. Am I allowed to say that about images I captured???

{Thoughts on 2010} Moving Forward in 2011

I am extremely grateful for all the clients that invited me into their lives this past year. I have arrived at a place of confidence in my photography business after dedicating the past few years in growing it. I thought it would be fun to highlight at least one image from each and every session that I did last year in appreciation. I had no idea that it would total 72! That's on top of working a fulltime teaching job. No wonder I was so exhausted!

This past year I felt like a grown up. I know that sounds weird considering I'm married and a mom, been working in the professional world for 13 years, and paying bills for even longer. But this last year I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. The stress of finances, parenting, cultivating a life, getting everything done on a daily basis, meeting timelines, making decisions, and somehow keeping my house clean in the mix of it. I pretty much failed at much of it. Don't get me wrong...I had successes and much to be thankful for. But inside I was dying a little bit more of me each day. By November, I was reminded of who that person was again (on a short trip to Mexico that took me away from it all). The real me. A girl who likes to laugh. And love. And enjoy life. I didn't do much of that at all last year. I know I said I wasn't making a new years resolution other than finding balance. But what I really want is to find me. To uncover that girl I know inside and live like her on the outside.

One of the major decisions I continue to struggle with is having another child. I honestly don't think our life can realistically handle another child. But, you see, I am one of five children and I cannot imagine Brooklyn not having the joy of having a sibling. My siblings are my best friends and my fondest memories are of us growing up. I want her to have that experience too. And if I'm honest with you, I'm scared to death about being pregnant again. The fear of losing another baby. The challenges of carrying a child with my barely five foot stature. The sleepless nights and painful back aches. The grueling experience of labor and delivery and the recovery. I have not forgotten any of it (despite what you all told me). And the added expense of another child. How do you pay for two children and not go broke? But I also have that motherly longing to hold a sleeping baby in my arms again and think it would be awesome to be a famiy of four. I'm just so conflicted. Dan and I have decided several times to go for it, and then I get scared.

So these are the things that are weighing on my heart. Something has gotta give. And being the planner I am I have decided to take action. By stopping. Stop working so much. Stop spending so much. Stop trying to do it all. Stop stressing. I dedicate this year to taking care of myself and my family. I will be limiting the amount of sessions and weddings I take, so that I may focus on taking good care of the clients I do have. Ultimately I want a little bit of freedom.

So if you see a little less of me on my blog...this is why. I will continue to blog previews for my clients and of course updates on Brookie, but I'm not trying to fulfill any sort of quota this year. I will say that I do find a lot of joy in blogging, so we'll just see where this year takes us.

"Definition of a successful business is one that serves the whole of your life, 

not one that swallows you whole. "

--Melissa Galt

My chiropractor posted this on his Facebook page this past week, and I found a lot of comfort and hope in these words....

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God's timing is amazing! Have you ever attended a sermon and thought to yourself..."I'm pretty sure this was written for me?" Well, that was me today listening to our Pastor begin a series called "Life in the Margins". I actually wrote this post last week and hesitated on posting it. Today's sermon totally hit home and I felt compelled to post it because this my journey and progress it to be made. Here were some key points that hit home for me:

Controlling my calendar is about...

• - Remembering my limitations.
• - I can often do more by doing less.
• - Realizing that I'm not defined by what I do.
• - I can develop a healthy rhythm.
• - Remembering that I have value because God gave it to me.

I'm excited about slowing down, clearing the noise, and seeing where this year takes me.

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