{Photography} Inspired by Life & Light

I never considered myself an artist....ever...in my entire life. There may have been hope when I was a just a little one and my kindergarten teacher complained to my mom that I spent too much time drawing and coloring. That may have been where my artistic efforts began and ended. Until I discovered photography, of course.

But for the first time in my life I just may be an artist, after all. One, a lot of nice people tell me I am artistic. Two, I am my own worst critic and agonize over image editing and production (definitely the definition of an artist, right?). Three, I see everything through the eyes of my camera view finder, CONSTANTLY. I'm constantly thinking in my head what would make a good image when I am viewing the world. For example, I will be teaching in my classroom and notice the light streaming through the back window creating a halo around a student of mine....and I'll think, "that would make such a beautiful portrait." It's constant, seriously.

I chase sunsets. And I would chase sunrises too...if I could only rise that early. I'm obsessed with sun flare. I see it everywhere! I love reflections. And repeating patterns. I look at beautiful scenery and I want to freeze it in my mind...just like a photograph. I see laughing children, couples, and elderly....and want to take their picture and give it to them...so they too will remember this moment for eternity. I feel life in all it's joy and pain...and I feel incredibly blessed to capture it with my camera. And when my camera is not with me...I'm just happy that I've learned to actually see it. I see so much more...now that I am a photographer.

{Life} Chaos, Running & My 800th Blog Post

Today I googled "how to blog when life sucks". I'm not even kidding. I've been pretty absent here on my blog personally for a while now (although I've continued to post client previews....there's quite a few sessions that have never made it here). I have wanted to blog...but just not sure what to say and how to share the pain that is my current life. I so desperately just want to tell you every painstaking detail...but my life is not my own anymore. And I really just can't handle the potential for any added criticism or judgement for what I might share.

I haven't taken any personal photos in a long time. My camera was stolen back in December in the midst of a personal crisis...and I'm still kinda recovering from it all. I recently came across an awesome mom blog that describes life as brutiful. In her words, "Life is brutal. But it’s also beautiful. Brutiful, I call it. Life’s brutal and beautiful are woven together so tightly that they can’t be separated." I have never found a time in my life for this to be more true.

I have found so much joy sharing my life with you and documenting Brooklyn growing up....I really want to continue to do that. But I'm still kinda pulling myself up by my boot straps and trying to redefine this life of mine. I hope to be back sharing it all SOON with you. Maybe tomorrow, or next week, or in a month. I'm not sure. But please come back to see what's new soon. In the meantime, I'll continue to share client sessions.

In the midst of this chaos, I have found therapy in running. In fact, I just ran the Surf City Half Marathon on Super Bowl Sunday. I'm still kind of in shock that I did it and I did it ALONE. It was a major personal victory. There were moments during the race that made me emotional that I was doing it (back in September I could not even run a full mile). I've learned some important lessons in the power of positive thinking. And I'm so impressed that this 37-year old body can still run and do it 11-minutes faster than I did my last half five years ago.

This was my mantra for my long runs, and it totally worked...

I've been bitten by the race bug. I'm hoping to run the OC Half Marathon in May and then the LB Half in October. And I'm totally convinced that both you and I can accomplish whatever we want...if we just believe it and dedicate ourselves. This shall be the start of a new chapter...

AND HOLY COW...have I really written 800 blog posts? Wowzers.

{Life} Finding Beauty in the Every Day

I have a million things I want to say but no energy to say anything. Working and parenting has rendered me useless! I am keenly aware of my current situation and hoping and praying for a new state. For today, just enjoy the images...

Wedding day a week away

Good day! Well, at this time next week I'll be busily getting ready to marry Danny. I'm sure as soon as this week starts I won't have a moment to really think and reflect on our relationship or my life for that matter. I've often been disappointed about some of the decisions I've made and the failures I've had in my life. But, it really is such a blessing at moments like this. I wouldn't appreciate the joy and happiness I feel now with, not only Dan, but my friends and family as well. I am the person I am because of my past experiences, and therefore I can't take any of it back. I'm sure that sounds so cliché but it really is true for me.

So why am I marrying Dan? These are the reasons that I shared with him in a recent birthday card:

10. Because he’s TALL!

9. He loves to entertain.

8. He’s a hard worker.

7. He’s always up for a good time with friends.

6. He makes a mean tri-tip and lots of other yummy food.

5. He’s an incredible dancer.

4. He listens and actually makes changes if need be.

3. He loves his family as much as I do mine.

2. He’s a hot lover!

1. He knows me and loves me like no other!